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I Don't Want to Glo Home...

My day started with my boss wanting to change my hours. I am a massage therapist in Beverly Hills, who works from 8.00am to 1.00pm, Tue. — Fri., and all day Saturday. I work those hours so I can go to the Jay Leno Show. Since I move to California to pursue a career in comedy, it’s been rough. First six months I flew to New York, just to get booed off ShowTime at the Apollo. Monique (the host at the time) dissed me, my husband got depressed, divorced me, took the dog and cat. He left me no money, or food, and for a short time I had to sleep in my car.

So, when I eventually got the chance to go to the legendary tonight Show with Jay Leno (The nicest man in comedy), I took it, and now I go everyday. Pray for me I’m probably going to get fired, but I’ve been through worst. I can always move back to Florida.

In the NBC lobby, I had an interesting conversation with Kell. Kell is the Cameron Diaz of the pages. She is slim, cute, blonde and, even looks good in those non flattering page uniforms. I bet she would look like a model, if she had the right kind of clothes and make-up, a good stylist and sturdy push-up bra.

Posing in the lobby was this beautiful older blonde lady, draped in diamonds. Now I had a ring that was a little over two carrots, this chick had to be pushing five C’s, and that was just on one finger. Why does she have to flaunt that here! (I know I’m hating, she has diamonds galore and I couldn’t keep a dog.)

Surprise! No little yellow ticket from Mr. Beam! (The lovely man who decides who sits up front.) It’s time to start operation "get fine"! I will loose 30 pounds, and I will sit up front again!

To make things worse, I was sitting in the lobby waiting, and just as an old lady sat next to me wanting to talk… I had to pass gas. (That would be elderly abuse.) I couldn’t move for fear that I wouldn’t make it to a safe area. So, I just sat there hoping I could blame it on her.

Candy walked us over today. Her hair is always perfect, never a hair out of place. It has to be a wig. (I know I’m hating again.)

In the studio a.k.a. the freezer. It’s so cold it feels like they are trying to hang meat. I sat next to Robert a great guy from O.C who deals in retail. This guy was talking to everybody. This was Robert’s tenth time to the show. The last time he was here, some Asian guy started dancing and ended up stripping. Robert said he hasn’t laughed so hard in his life. He was with a client named Tony who asked me if I know where Jay Leno sells his suites. Tony is the same size as Jay and heard that Jay resells his thousand dollar suites for three hundred. I told him I didn’t know, I can’t even get a Tonight Show T-shirt.

Behind me was a group of five from Alabama who was talking about how you can get a great manicure and pedicure from the Wal-Mart. Ew-wee, that’s country.

Kevin (the bandleader) is showing off his sexy bald head. (You go Mr. Clean!) Smitty lead another song today and Ms. V. did the rest of the set. The comedian is back to not being nice, sometimes he takes a person from the front row and switches them with someone from the back row and doesn’t move them back. The audience laughs but the two people are stuck sitting next to people they don’t know for the show. He did that again today. Not funny, Mr. Comedian. The guy makes good money, passes out Tonight Show T-shirts to mostly young bouncy blondes. He only works fifteen minutes a day. He should be thanking God everyday by being nice!

Julie-Louis Dreyfus was beautiful, skinny and interesting, Jude Law was okay, and Bob Seger rocked the house. Bob was awesome!

Remember folks, if diamonds are a girl’s best friend, and a dog is man’s best friend… Who’s really the smartest?! Live for the Jay!

Love ya,