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Saturday mornings with Gloria…


Answering Machine = Am

Am…(ring) it’s your mother pick up the phone…its Gloria R. Green (she hangs up)

GloZell== (I will not pick up the phone it’s 4 AM)

Am === (ring) GloZell… GloZell…It’s Gloria R. Green…Your mother! I know you’re home because it’s after the Jay Leno Show. (Hangs up)

GloZell == (She will stop calling, just sleep GloZell)

Am == (ring)"singing" Oh how I wish my child would pick up the phone… I know you hear me! (Then she leaves her phone number, before hanging up)

Am == (ring) I hope all is well… someone told me that when children are young they lay heavy on your lap…when they grow up they are heavy on your heart…you know your sister doesn’t talk to me… I thought I would call…

GloZell (picking up the phone) It is 4 AM IN THE MORNING!

Mommy == Oh is it, you know I don’t know California time baby. Has Jay Lento given you a job yet?

GloZell== He hasn’t said anything yet.

Mommy == You hae to grease palms in California.

GloZell == Can we have this conversation late? Like when the sun comes out.

Mommy == You are so hard to get a hold of. I haven’t spoken to you in 4 days.

GloZell == You always say that. I spoke to you yesterday. We talk everyday.

Mommy == Well it feels longer.

GloZell == Okay, what about grease?

Mommy == You need to give Jay Leto something. (It’s Leno) I will send you some money so you can make a basket filled with Crystal Light.

GloZell == (I can’t be awake, I look at my hand and I’m holding a phone) Hello?

Mommy == White people love Crystal Light!

GloZell== What? Do you…how do you… nevermind. Why do you think that (laughing) I should bring Jay Leno a basket of Crystal Light?

Mommy == Jay is white. (Okay, I know that part) Well I was thinking… then it hit me. Crystal Light is white peoples Kool-Aide. It’s the same stuff just in a different package. Marketing is everything!

GloZell == (laughing so hard I fell off my bed)

Mommy == Stop laughing! I’m trying to help you! Stop!

GloZell == I will look into it. I will ask some of the white people I know (which is almost everybody) and ask them if they crave Crystal Light.

Mommy == Don’t be stupid GloZell they are not going to tell YOU! Do it! Just give the Crystal Light to Jay Lento and I bet you will be on the show the next day.

GloZell == Leno, okay, sorry for laughing, I see that you have put a lot of thought into this and I will research and get back with you. I love ya mom. (as nutty as you are, You should give Jay Leno a basket of Crystal Light)

Mommy == Anything to help my baby, you are a star. You just have to know how to work the system. Okay, go to bed, it must be early. Love ya, bye.

Of course I couldn’t go back to sleep. I have to laugh at my life or else I would be in a funny farm!

Remember, Crystal Light to white people is like Kool-Aide to black people.

LoVe ya,